It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
