you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
