And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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