found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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