On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
