Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
