i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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