this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
