but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
