I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
