Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
