seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Randomize
