Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
