I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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