I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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