is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
