Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
