i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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