alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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