I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
