wanna go halves on a baby?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
