I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
