Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
