i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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