Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just want nice things and good sex
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
