OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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