YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
