at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
