So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize