The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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