Is it because I queefed?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
