My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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