ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
