he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
