i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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