It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
