Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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