That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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