My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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