Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
