omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
