She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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