yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
