Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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