I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
