I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
