If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
