im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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