UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
