Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
