You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
