He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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