Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
