I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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