on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize