SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
me + whiskey = a bad person
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
