I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
