yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize