I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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