hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
