Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You ate ashes out of my bong
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
