Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
