my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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