A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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