Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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