I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
