I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
