The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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