i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
