I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i believe in u and ur pee
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
