I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
