Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
