Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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