The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
